The True Reality: Not So "Naughty in Nantucket"

Last Thursday in Allston ("just outside of Boston," as they always say here in the Commonwealth) an open casting call took place to attract aspiring actors to audition for roles in what Boston Casting says is a reality/docudrama. The name of the pilot is "Naughty in Nantucket." The non-paid actors selected for the key roles ("Chelsea," "Whitney," "Gerald," "Grant," "Erin," and "Heather") are scheduled to arrive on island on Friday, November 12 to shoot the first show through Sunday, November 14.

Hmmmm. Here we go again with what sounds like another stereotypical view of life within an enclave of the rich and mega-rich with one party after another to go to as the mainland goes about the business of real life's issues and challenges. Think "Jersey Shore" meets "Fantasy Island."

I thought it might be interesting to take a look at the true reality of "not so naughty" life on Nantucket and prepare "Chelsea" and her fellow characters for what Nantucket is really all about in November before they disembark from the ferry or plane and begin their little adventure in our community.

"Chelsea," the beautiful and sexy 40-year-old who married well and divorced better and who is financially set and always looking to play, according to Boston Casting's description of the character, will want to bring her winter clothes and rain gear for her big ACK weekend. You see, it's in the 40's this week with chilly rain and wind. And did I mention the sun sets now at 4:30 p.m. so don't forget to bring a flashlight for those fun late afternoon frolics with your social elites. Oh, and forget packing the tennis racket since the courts are closed for the season, though we do have some great year-round indoor workout facilities including my favorite, the Nantucket Health Club, and the community indoor heated pool at the high school (but you'll have to mix with the locals, including seniors and students.) If "Chelsea" lived here year-round, the reality is that she would most likely be found on a November weekend doing something beneficial for the community, such as serving as a volunteer in the free adult English literacy program offered by the Nantucket Atheneum. Or volunteering at the Teen Center or in the snack bar at a Whalers' football game taking place in the stadium near the biggest topic of conversation on island these days--the new wind turbine.

"Whitney," who is a knockout gorgeous 22-year-old that has to contend with a mother ("Chelsea") who never wants to grow up and who fights over accessories, shoes and lovers, should bring her credit cards since she'll find some great off-season deals on Main Street. However, her shopping options will be limited since there are a fair share of "Out of Business" and "Closed for the Season, See You Next Year" signs in the windows of the retail establishments. Year-round, non-reality show "Chelsea" and her mom/pal/archrival would most likely find her clothing, while at the same time enhancing the sustainability of the island, at the Seconds Shop or, taking it a step further, at Take It or Leave It (affectionately known as the Madaket Mall). She'd also consider the closed-for-the-season Hospital Thrift Shop if she was here earlier in the fall. This past Saturday, our two reality stars would have shopped til they dropped at the annual Harvest Fair, where the island's churches sold everything from hand-knitted scarves and home-baked banana bread to designer purses to benefit the individual congregations and their many outreach programs.

And then there's "Gerald," a 24-year-old, alpha male, ex-football player who lives in Surfside and constantly works out to stay in shape. Well, "Gerald" might want to bring his tool belt and his steel toed boots, which he can purchase at Murray's Toggery when he arrives on island, along with his "Situation"-like outfits and attitude because we have a perfect reality project tailor-made for him. Just down the street from his fictional Surfside pad, Habitat for Humanity Nantucket is starting construction on two homes at 143 Surfside Road to provide home ownership opportunities for year-round Nantucketers who have steady employment, are in need to housing and willing to commit to the "sweat equity" to help volunteers build their home. If "Gerald" was a true Nantucketer, he'd probably be working weekends as a Habitat volunteer, banging nails and painting trim rather than running on the beach against 20-mile-per-hour winds in the rain. And for a diversion from his work at Habitat, he might be on the lookout for the thousands of long-tailed ducks that take flight here on Nantucket in November to the delight of dedicated birdwatchers from the Maria Mitchell Association, the Linda Loring Foundation, the UMASS Boston Field Station and other island nonprofits.

Rounding out the "Naughty" cast are "Grant" (Gerald's songwriter friend "with incredible unknown musical talent"and co-resident of the Surfside house), "Erin" (Surfside housemate and bartender who "loves to get everyone going in a sing along...will dance on the bar and get everyone hopping") and "Heather" (yet another Surfsider, who is a personal shopper with "a great eye for fashion"). Wow, I wonder what type of house our TV Nantucketers will live in? If this was reality, chances are they all would be pooling their money for rent on a small one or two bedroom place shared with countless other hourly workers who are here on H-2 temporary visas and sending their earnings back to their families in Eastern Europe or Central America.

There's no indication from Boston Casting on when or where "Naughty" will possibly run but all of us on Nantucket will be waiting for our invitations to the gala premiere. Until then, we'll look for updates on "Naughty" from the island's real "Grant" (Grant Sanders) on http://www.yackon.com/ and will await our invitations from Boston Casting to serve as non paid "extras" to add to the reality of the series. Now, excuse me, while I go look for some reruns of the Nantucket classic show, "Wings," to watch on Netflix while I await the first "Naughty" episode.